Feel as if I felt

This is what commonly called “resonance” though unfamiliar to me. Most people evaluate whether they like a literary work or resonate with it, they base their judgment on “feeling the same way as the characters”, unconsciously identifying with a certain role or comparing themselves to the characters in the story. This sense of empathy leads to (a feeling of) identification, so I consider it the “commonly” definition of resonance.

It’s easy for me to resonate L’Étranger in this way, after simply two pages I consider myself a Meursault due to similar way of thinking and writing style. He and his own mother have both moved on with their lives (though Meursault’s mother’s lifestyle is also easily criticized), yet they end up being judged by others; and then there’s the overly strong sunlight—I deeply relate to that, especially the intense, glaring white sunlight on cloudy or even overcast days, which easily makes me feel mentally dazed and leads me to make snap decisions. From beginning to end, I never felt that Meursault was abnormal or an outsider to life; he was even participating in social life in a relatively normal way (dating, making friends, working, etc.). Given the time when the book was written, it’s quite understandable that young people in society were showing signs of “lack of ambition” (not wanting promotions, doubting the necessity of social rituals). So, not only right after finishing the book, but as time has passed, I’ve increasingly felt that I’ve encountered Meursault’s issues and even had reactions similar to his.I have been following the school rules normally and at my own pace, and I have started to step out of my own world to make friends with others. Why? The difference is that no priest grandly came over saying, “I forgive your sins.” Instead, there were only a bunch of classmates and the homeroom teacher who self-righteously delivered public opinion judgments. That’s why I didn’t truly express my views and thoughts at the time. After all it was not me that had been given the share of politics in that environment, but I misunderstood that it encouraged democracy though maybe capitalism-style.

提安哥的小说就是“如果我是另一个人,比如一个非洲的孩子,我可能会怎么样,可能会写什么”。我终于看到一个和我一样,像粪海狂蛆一样在高中图书馆里蛄蛹的人了!而且他也觉得《呼啸山庄》写得好,对这个小说的写作手法的理解也和我一样。而且作者是个……“正常人”,相比国内某些不知哪里来的传统和套路入脑的家伙,或者“粪海”中某些东西的作者,看到一个正常人(甚至于普通人)让我非常开心,就像了解到李娟的文字那样开心(但李娟的风格实在和我不搭,就没怎么看)。殖民体系下,正常孩子正常行动得出逆天结论(“写小说会进监狱”)或遇到逆天事这种比较顺其自然的写法和我写日常的方法类似;他的其他小说也对我口味。

I read Ngugi Wa Thiong’O as “what if I’m another person”. Finally another true civilized human that digged books in horrible library and shit books in high school instead of praising the library and everything in it.

《罪与罚》。共情主要角色们所以读陀思妥耶夫斯基的书非常累。放下书时感觉自己被西伯利亚(或莫斯科某条满是酒味和脏物的街道)的风刮晕了。

相似,或者满足某些潜意识需求是“感同身受类”的必要条件,但是从单纯的满足、出现情绪波动,到共鸣,需要更多内容:比如合乎情节逻辑,不一定新颖或者超出现实但一定符合读者认知过程的文字,如《罪与罚》中大段的心理描写,窒息、恐惧、愤怒、痛苦等都在这里体现,想这么多就是符合认知的接受“罚”的过程;比如恰当的细节,不论是顺应意识流动自然生成的,还是组织情节的;比如反套路反常规的描写,不见到土地就感叹故乡,见到家庭就感叹某个固定形象的家长,见到总裁就说霸道……

Read as if I wrote

这一类就是觉得技法、风格、对语言文字的运用很好。如果涉及评判,是否认同属于次要问题,我又不是来看这个的,我是来给自己的观点找论据、修饰还有可能出现的补丁的,或者形成“通识类判断”即“大多数人会怎么看这个问题”以避免自己出现默尔索那样的情况的,要是真想认同或找答案我为什么要看小说?放松大脑以便继续工作吗?要是倒霉遇到上一类的还根本放松不了。

Watch as if I saw

这一类是技法可能没有太多可取之处,风格也不太对胃口,语言文字运用可能只是阶段性的好,现在看来不算什么,但是,从局外人角度看,单纯只看这些文本也会有触碰到潜意识的点。

Empathy as if I knew

我说过我喜欢《呼啸山庄》。但是我对凯茜和希斯是理解而非代入。这种纯粹的情感其实相当好判断——作者都写出来了,又不需要我自己观察他们的表情动作什么的。虽然说也会有“换了我听到凯茜这么说,我也会让这两座山庄所有人包括我自己都别想好过”这种认同,但我不会像第一类那样情感上感到接下来不知道怎么做、接下来要做什么。我只是站在上帝视角磕 CP,看同样的灵魂迷路时在荒野上呼啸,以及误入其中被抽得找不着北的其他角色。

Reflect as if I would have been

啊,我当然没有浮士德那样的野心,至少我比他怠惰多了,不会如此富有行动力地研究到老。

真有梅菲斯特要和我签契约属于论外状况,不可能实现的思想实验,暂不讨论。

但是梅菲斯特契约中的“满足欲望”在生活中无处不在。

Im Vorgefühl von solchem hohen Glück

Genieß’ ich jetzt den höchsten Augenblick.

浮士德博士是双目失明对着挖掘坟墓的死尸说出这句话的。

我什么时候会有这种想法?仔细回想了一下,没有。我希望的是延续、改变某一瞬间。除了行动力区别外,浮士德式的野心在我这代人身上几乎是泛滥了。

和“魔鬼”签订契约满足欲望的欲望也泛滥了。就像“魔弹射手”的枪(又是个德国魔鬼契约小故事),前六颗子弹必中,第七颗必定射杀所爱之人,既然某个“子弹”能够攻破对手、能满足射击的欲望,那未来的“爱人”,还不一定是自己接受代价,多划算。“子弹”,强而有力的效果,如身份政治;如故意把解构(和各种理论与逻辑方法)用于强化二元对立而非强调意义在与符号的差异中建构以解构这种意义上的惯性;如寻找合适的指导思想、合适的行为方法论,看着一个框架就能满足自己对未来和成就的幻想;如继续行动,让一切向着自认为的强者方向,也就是自己的方向流动,所有四散的利益与美好都应归自己所有。“第七颗子弹”?阻止或者仅仅看见它的欲望已经被开枪的欲望延宕了。

回到“浮士德的契约”,以上这种“魔弹射手”式行为,不会一直延宕欲望或者以任何学派的任何概念消灭它。这也不能阻止“满足”,即使这种因惯性和局部全知甚至全能(无懈可击的模式/必中的子弹)而满足,与浮士德那种满足有差距。

因自认为全知全能只不过有一个契约受限,欲望也会在一个限度内打转,再多、再超出某个范式一是会违背自己的“契约”、让自己无往不利的东西,二是也想不到了。这种时候说不说出浮士德那句话都没什么区别,因为这一刻已经停止了,被满足截停了。自我的边界从一个行为与认知系统,变成了自以为控制一切的一个套路,扩大了,所以更虚无缥缈的东西也可能填满了。

所以我会和梅菲斯特签订契约吗?比如我发现虽不知具体时刻,但自己确实要死了,但是想做的事都没做成,一个魔鬼出来说自己能帮我实现愿望,且令我知晓且相信它的确有这种能力(……我是来概括浮士德的生平的吗)。

这要看是否值得了。我的想象力和欲望能否支持我继续体验,以及处理掉我不喜欢的“魔鬼契约”。这种促狭的宗主(我成邪术师了?真的假的?)确实不一定让我得偿所愿,但是或许因为我和浮士德的欲望都有“对抗”的成分,我们树立的靶子一日不倒,我们的契约就一日不会终结。

但我自己就是那种无法自己做到最好就宁愿不做,把这件事交给别人的人,梅菲斯特真来找我的话,我更可能拒绝这种试图把“我”的边界扩大的契约。让梅菲斯特的知识和能力也成为我的一部分?我更乐意从梅菲斯特嘴里(或者手下的邪术师那里……似乎跑偏了?)寻求其他合作。

Others

Not bad, even perfect, yet no resonance. Just enjoy (or not) reading. One enjoyed one is Blindsight. It has everything I like, singularly, I merely evaluated it. Maybe it was because I resonated with the first-person.